Traveling Solo Doesn’t Mean Traveling Alone

Why independent travel after 60 is less about solitude—and more about having the freedom to go.

Women often ask me a question when we talk about my travels:

“Do you travel alone?”

It’s usually followed by a few more questions.

Do you know people when you get there? Do you join a group? Do you meet someone there? Aren’t you afraid?

I’ve come to realize that when women ask whether I travel alone, they’re often asking something much bigger.

Could I do that?

Could I get on a plane without a companion beside me? Could I arrive somewhere unfamiliar and feel comfortable? Would I feel safe? Would I feel lonely? Would I know what to do?

I understand those questions.

But over the years, I’ve also come to understand that traveling solo doesn’t necessarily mean traveling alone.

For me, it’s much more about agency—having the freedom to decide that I want to go somewhere and taking the next step to make it happen.

Over the years, I’ve discovered that solo travel after 60 can take many different forms—and very few of them require being alone all the time.

The Freedom to Say Yes

I remember becoming aware of that freedom after I was divorced.

A friend called and told me she was getting together with friends to celebrate her birthday. It required a plane ride.

My response was simple:

“Wonderful. Yes, I’m coming.”

What struck me afterward was that I hadn’t needed to ask anyone. I hadn’t needed to negotiate schedules or determine whether someone else wanted to go.

I simply decided that I wanted to be there.

That sense of agency became even more important to me years later during the pandemic. When I was ready to begin getting out again, I didn’t want the burden of trying to persuade someone else who might have had very different concerns about traveling.

I realized I could make the decision for myself.

Since then, I’ve had many moments when I’ve simply decided:

I’m going. If someone wants to join me, wonderful. If not, I’m still going.

That doesn’t mean every trip I take is completely alone.

Far from it.

Solo Travel Can Look Many Different Ways

Sometimes I travel to meet someone.

Years ago, I had a friend living in Bermuda. I would get on a plane by myself, fly to Bermuda and spend time with him while experiencing a destination that was new to me. When he later moved to Cabo, I did the same thing there.

Sometimes I travel as part of an organized group without knowing most of the people before I arrive.

Sometimes I meet friends along the way.

And sometimes I’m traveling with someone but intentionally spend time exploring on my own.

I’ve done that in Milan, wandering through neighborhoods, stopping at cafés and simply observing the city at my own pace.

I’ve done the same closer to home in Carmel, where I traveled to support a friend who was working. While she was occupied, I walked around town, explored the beach and discovered little restaurants by myself.

I don’t think one of these experiences is more legitimately “solo” than another.

The common thread is that I didn’t need another person’s availability to make the decision to go.

Sometimes Connection Comes When You Least Expect It

One of my favorite examples happened on a group trip to East Africa.

There was another woman traveling with the group who had come by herself. She didn’t know anyone before the trip.

Interestingly, we didn’t become close while we were traveling.

We were sometimes in proximity—she was on the same balloon ride with me, for example—but I was traveling with a friend and wasn’t particularly focused on meeting new people.

We had casual conversations. At some point we realized that we both lived in Los Angeles.

That might have been the end of the story.

But after we returned home, she reached out.

We got together, initially to reconnect and talk about the trip. As we got to know each other, we discovered how much we had in common, including our love of travel and live music.

Today, we’re close friends.

Neither of us boarded that flight thinking we were going to find a new friendship.

It simply happened because two people were willing to go.

That’s one of the things I appreciate about travel. Going somewhere on your own doesn’t mean you will remain on your own.

Recent solo-travel research reflects that same seeming contradiction: many travelers say they value the freedom and spontaneity of traveling independently while also saying they want opportunities to meet new people.

I don’t find those desires contradictory at all.

We can value independence and still value connection.

I Actually Enjoy My Own Company

There’s another part of solo travel that doesn’t get talked about enough.

Sometimes being alone is simply enjoyable.

When I’m exploring a destination on my own, I don’t have to worry about anyone else’s preferences.

I can walk when I want to walk.

Stop when I want to stop.

Change my mind.

Spend longer somewhere that interests me.

Leave somewhere that doesn’t.

I’m also not someone who arrives in a new place and starts conversations with everyone I meet.

I’m naturally more of an observer.

I enjoy taking in the environment, watching how people live and allowing conversations to happen naturally rather than feeling that I have to manufacture connections.

That’s another misconception about solo travel worth challenging.

You don’t have to become an extrovert to travel independently.

You can experience a place in the way that feels natural to you.

“But I Don’t Have Anyone to Go With”

I hear this often from women:

“I’d love to travel, but I don’t have anyone to go with.”

And I understand why that can feel like an obstacle.

Safety matters. Preparation matters. Good judgment matters, particularly when we’re somewhere unfamiliar.

But fear doesn’t have to make every decision for us.

I’ve lived abroad. I’ve traveled to many parts of the world. And one of the things those experiences have continually reminded me is that the world is much bigger—and generally much kinder—than the frightening stories we sometimes hear about it.

I believe in letting our faith be greater than our fear.

That doesn’t mean you have to begin with a flight halfway around the world.

Start small.

Take a three- or four-day trip somewhere that feels manageable.

Join a reputable group and arrive on your own.

Visit someone you know in another city.

Spend an afternoon exploring somewhere nearby by yourself.

See what it feels like to make your own decisions.

See what you notice when you aren’t accommodating someone else’s preferences.

See what you learn about yourself.

Then perhaps go a little farther the next time.

Give Yourself Permission to Go

I’ve written before about The Courage to Say Yes to the Journey and about Why I Don’t Assume There Will Always Be a Next Time.

Solo travel feels connected to both of those ideas.

We have one life.

There are experiences we dream about, places we’re curious about and things we keep telling ourselves we’ll do someday.

Sometimes the person we’d like to travel with can’t go.

Sometimes we don’t have that person in our lives right now.

Sometimes our interests, schedules or resources simply don’t align.

That doesn’t automatically mean the answer has to be no.

Traveling independently isn’t about proving that you don’t need anybody.

It isn’t about being fearless.

And it certainly isn’t about spending every moment alone.

It’s about giving yourself permission to go.

Sometimes I travel alone.

Sometimes I meet people when I get there.

Sometimes I join a group.

Sometimes someone joins me.

Sometimes an unexpected connection becomes a friendship that continues long after the trip is over.

The form changes.

The agency doesn’t.

So if you’ve been dreaming about going somewhere but keep telling yourself, “I don’t have anybody to go with,” perhaps you don’t need to start by planning the big trip.

Start by giving yourself permission to imagine going anyway.

Then take one small step.

Because I’ve learned something over the years:

I don’t want to leave this world with a lot of dreams and wishes and very few stories.

I would much rather have the courage to say yes—and discover what happens next.

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